Family First

Our biggest opportunity for growth in the CRCA is "equipping parents to disciple their own children."   This is what a recent survey* among CRCA youth ministries revealed.   While "Bible teaching" scored as our greatest strength, the priority of family scored lowest.   Most churches do not teach or train parents how to disciple their own children.

As churches we have agreed that our key task is "to equip our church members to be disciples of Christ."   We are also committed to align everything we do as a denomination and as churches to "encourage and enable the fulfillment of the fundamental aim."  So when we think about helping our children become and grow as disciples of Jesus we might conclude that this is the task of our churches.  This is why we have Sunday School, Cadets, GEMS, youth groups.   This is why we send our children to a Christian School.   And all of this is good and we should be encouraging these ministries and support Christian education.  But disciple making must begin and be firmly practiced in the home.  Family first!   In fact, if we as parents are not discipling our own children in the Christian faith then we are really neglecting the primary task given to us by God.

Now as Reformed Christians we believe and teach that the primary role of parents is to disciple their own children.   For example, in the service of baptism parents are asked to make this promise:  "In reliance on the Holy Spirit and with the help of the Christian community, to do all in your power to instruct these children in the Christian faith and to lead them by your example into the life of Christian discipleship." (CRCA Book of Forms, Baptism Form II)   Yes, as Christian parents we don't do this task of discipling alone.  We need help.  But don't leave the task of discipling your children to the Christian community.   The best help the church can give to you is to equip you to disciple your own children.  The home is the primary locus for discipling our children.

What might that look like?  Well, God's Word shows us that discipling your children happens in the normal, everyday stuff of life:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Discipling your children is about leaving your mark on them.   This happens when we teach them what God says in his Word.  This does not have to happen in a structured classroom environment.   It happens as you go through the regular routines of life, from the time you get in the morning to the time your children are tucked into bed.  Every moment is a teachable moment.  By what you say and what you do your children are learning what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Throughout your home it is evident that you are Christ's disciples.

When was the last time as a parent you had a heart-to heart conversation with your child about being a follower of Jesus.  You might be thinking about the regular times of prayer and Scripture reading at meal-times.  According to church researcher George Barna, only one in 10 regular church attending families read the Bible together in a typical month.   Fewer than one in 20 of these church families pray together, except before meals, in a typical month.  These are alarming stats and so it should not surprise us that discipling our children scores low among our church families.   This might be a place where you begin.   Here are some suggestions you might like to consider.  Make a commitment to have regular family devotions at least once a day.  Use your family devotions as a time to impress upon your children the truth of God's Word and how the Bible helps us find direction in life and strength to become all that God intends us to be.

Your children do not only need to know God's Word; they need to know how to pray.   One day one of Jesus' disciples came to him and said to him, "Lord teach us to pray...." (Luke 11:1)  To be a follower of Jesus involves both God speaking to us through his Word and us speaking to God with our words.   Do your children know how to pray?  What to pray for?  I encourage parents to teach their children a very simple way of praying following the acronym ACTS.   Our prayers should include times of (A) adoration of God, (C) confession of sin, giving (T) thanks, and asking to (S) supply our needs and that of others.

Beyond knowing God's Word and how to pray, it is so important that parents disciple their children to know how serve God, his kingdom, and being salt and light in this dark and needy world. (Matt. 5:13-16)  One father recently said to me, "If my children are not involved in serving in the church by the time they become teens, like most other children they will drop out of church entirely before they are adults."   And I think he is right.  More important than sports, ballet classes, and top grades in school is your child's spiritual engagement in the church.  Not just attending events (being a consumer) but serving in some sort of ministry (being a contributer).   Encourage them to volunteer, to give of their time, talents, and treasures for the good of others and glory of God.  And lead by your example.

Recall the words of our risen Saviour:  "Go and make disciples."  (Matt. 28:19)   Yes, we are to reach out to our neighbours, our cities, and our world with the gospel.   But discipleship begins in the home.   Family first!

*See full results of this survey:   Youth Ministry Health Survey 2019