Relationships

It takes a whole village to raise a child!   This African saying is believed to originate from the Igbo and Yoruba people of Nigeria.  My son-in-law grew up in the heartland of Africa, and I soon appreciated that this idea that ‘it takes a whole village to raise a child’ is fundamental to many African cultures.   The main idea behind the saying is that it takes a whole community, and not just two parents, to bring up a child.  The extended family have an important role to play, including uncles, aunts, cousins.  In fact, when my son-in-law would refer to his 'family' or 'cousins', he often was referring not to blood relatives, but to adults and peers in his community who had a major influence in his life.

In the current series of articles I am considering what we can do as churches to ensure that the next generation in our churches will become resilient disciples of Jesus.   What can we do to see our children and youth actively engaged with God's mission?  We have noted already that the next gen needs to experience Jesus, not just learn about God.  In addition they need to have discernment about the culture in which we live.   They also need to have good and sustaining relationships among each other, as well as others in the church.   These relationships are to be fostered in the church community among peers and other adults.   In other words, it takes the whole village, the whole church, the whole church community to raise a follower of Jesus!

I have been referring to the research done by Barna (www.barna.com) and the published results of this research in the book by David Kinnaman & Mark Matlock in their book Faith for Exiles - 5 Ways for a New Generation to Follow Jesus in Digital Babylon.   According to their research, they discovered that what builds resilient disciples of Jesus is meaningful relationships.   If there ever was a need for meaningful relationships, it is today.  In spite of the fact that we more tools of communication at our disposal than ever before, the research shows that adults are twice as likely to say they are lonely compared to a decade ago.   Kinnaman and Matlock write:  "Regardless of the hundreds of millions of smartphones we've bought, apps we've loaded, posts we've written and read, and the 'likes' and retweets we've given and received, we feel lonelier than ever." (Faith for Exiles, p. 115) 

So what can we do as churches and church leaders to put an end to this loneliness epidemic?   We need to foster good and sustaining relationships among each other, especially among the next gens in our churches.   The church needs to become a place where the next generation feel that they belong.   There are people who encourage them to grow spiritually.   They feel they are connected to a community of Christians.   Growing up, they have close personal friends who are adults in their church community.  They admire the faith of their parents.   And they feel emotionally close to someone at their church. 

While I born in the middle of the Boomer generation, I can still fully relate to the current findings among today's next gens.  What helped me become a resilient disciple of Jesus were the meaningful relationships I had in the church during my youth and teen years.   The church our family were members of made me feel that I belonged.  The church leaders encouraged me, along with two other teenagers, to begin a youth group.   They gave us two married couples to support us.   Soon we had a large youth group.   I was asked to join a group of other church members who wanted to reach the neighbourhood around us with the gospel.   I became a leader in a ministry that reached out to unchurched boys.   I was invited to lead worship on Sundays.  There were men of the church who encouraged me to grow spiritually.   I still remember their names:  George Neutel, Pete Mulder, Henry Kuyvenhoven, Charles Fennema.   They would take an interest in my life, model Christian virtues, and talk lots about faith and life.  And I felt emotionally close to of a number of good friends:  Paul, Charley, Ruth, Joanne, and John.   While my dad struggled with life and faith, I admired the faith of my mother.  Despite a difficult marriage and debilitating arthritis, she showed resilence, perseverance, and a deep trust in God.   These adults and peers in my teenage years were fellow believers that I wanted to be around and become.  These good and sustaining relationships nurtured and matured my faith in those pivotal years growing up. 

For the next gen in our churches to become resilient disciples of Jesus they need meaningful relationships with each other, as well as others in the church.   As I did in the church of my youth.  It takes the whole church to raise a follower of Jesus.