Confidentiality

Church leaders receive a lot of inside information.  Having been in ordained ministry for almost forty years, I could tell you story after story about the personal lives of people.  People have allowed me as a pastor into their homes, into their lives, and into their personal spaces.  But would I share these stories?   Absolutely not.  

We having been looking at eight often-overlooked characteristics that effective church leaders share.¹  In this article we will consider how effective leaders deal with confidentiality.  I once read that anyone fit for leadership will handle inside information as if he or she were driving a van of explosives.  Really?  Is it that serious?  Yes, but why?

Twice in the book of Proverbs we are instructed about the importance of confidentiality.   We are told that "a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret." (11:13)  Again, "a gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much." (20:19)  In these verses it is clear that confidentiality has to do with keeping secrets and not spreading gossip, not talking too much, or devulging personal information about others.  In fact, wise people "store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin." (10:14)  As pastor and author Jack Hayford writes, "Controlling information is ... vitally important to a ministry characterized by wisdom and integrity."

The importance of maintaining confidentiality was a lesson I learned early on in my ministry.  One of the couples of our church shared with me some really good news: they were expecting a child.   I knew that this couple had gone through numerous miscarriages after the birth of their first child.  I was so happy for them.  So I began sharing this good news with others.  My sharing this news had a massive ripple effect.  I told one person, who told another, who told several others, and so on.  The couple were quite upset that I had shared their news with others.  Yes it was good news, but they did not want other people to know.  They were concerned that this pregnancy would also end in a miscarriage and it would simply be too difficult to deal with, having to talk about this with others.  I fully understood, and had learned an important lesson about keeping confidentiality.  Sadly, this pregnancy did end in a miscarriage.  From then on I committed myself to keeping secrets shared with me, rather than betray a confidence.

So that is the first reason controlling the sharing of people's information is so important.  A mistake can cause ripple effects with others and as I found out, it can tear down rather than build up people.   Another reason maintaining confidentiality is so important is that it builds trust.  "A trustworthy person keeps a secret."(Proverbs 11:13)  Betray a confidence and you reduce trust and people are less likely to share information with you and others.  As a church leader you will be seen as not trustworthy.   Once trust is broken, it is very difficult to repair.  Any reduction of trust in a church can have a long-lasting adverse impact on the church and relationships within the church.

At times I have people come to me and ask me to promise confidentiality before they tell me something.  Here we need a word of caution. There will be times that you cannot make that promise.  When people share with you stories of abuse(sexual, physical or otherwise), as a church leader you cannot keep silent.  You must report that abuse to the proper authorities, including other leaders in the church who oversee the health and safety of others.  For too long church leaders have been silent where they should have spoken.   With abuse cases, there is no exception.  There is also no exception when the safety of the person or other persons is at stake.  The person sharing "secrets" with you might be suicidal or homicidal.  These are times when confidences need to be broken.

As a church leader there will be times you will be tempted to share some inside information about someone in order to gain the approval of others or influence in the church.  In times like this, do not sacrifice another's confidence in you on the altar of increased approval or influence.   Information is power, and when you betray a confidence you are abusing the power entrusted to you as a church leader.  Keep confidences even when this might hurt your reputation.  There have been times in ministry where as a pastor you might receive criticism and/or animosity because you are unwilling to devulge some inside information about a church member.  Unless the safety of others is at risk, maintain confidentiality at all costs, even costs to yourself.  If you believe you must share the "secrets" of others, here is a simple rule I have followed:  I will always maintain confidentiality unless I have been given permission by them to share it.   All you have to do is ask.

As a church leader, do you handle information correctly?  Can you be trusted with inside information?   Effective leaders maintain confidentiality.

 1 The other characteristics we looked at are: effective church leaders listen to and obey the voice of God, are forward looking, have a can-do attitude, they own up to mistakes, exercise patience, and lovingly confront.